Thursday, October 16, 2008

The Psychiatrist and the Proctologist

I came across this joke recently, and thought it was so funny I just had to share it here:

The Psychiatrist and the Proctologist

Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology." The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to: "Hysterias and Posteriors." This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council they changed the sign to: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." No go, so next, they tried, "Catatonics and High Colonics." Thumbs down again. Then came, "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives." Still no good. Another attempt resulted in, "Minds and Behinds." Unacceptable again. Then they tried, "Lost Souls and Butt Holes." No way. "Analysis and Analcysts?" Nope. "Nuts and Butts?" Uh uh. "Freaks and Cheeks?" Still no go. "Loons and Moons?" Forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with: "Dr Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."
"Passage—immediate passage! the blood burns in my veins! Away, O soul! hoist instantly the anchor!
Cut the hawsers—haul out—shake out every sail!
Have we not stood here like trees in the ground long enough?
Have we not grovell’d here long enough, eating and drinking like mere brutes?
Have we not darken’d and dazed ourselves with books long enough?

Sail forth! steer for the deep waters only!
Reckless, O soul, exploring, I with thee, and thou with me;
For we are bound where mariner has not yet dared to go, And we will risk the ship, ourselves and all.

O my brave soul!
O farther, farther sail!
O daring joy, but safe! Are they not all the seas of God?
O farther, farther, farther sail!"

~Walt Whitman, "Passage to India"