Saturday, July 18, 2009

Living Arrangement Frustration

I decided last night that if I do not have an answer from the bank this coming week, I will withdraw my offer. The bank has behaved in a manner that I find ridiculous, unethical, and just plain rotten. It is no longer worth the battle to become a homeowner. I refuse to spend the next month or more living out of a hotel (which I cannot afford) while clinging to the desperate hope that someday the almighty bank will condescend to give me a yes or a no.

So, instead of moving into a new house before starting work, and having the fun of fixing it up to my specifications, I am going to spend my first week of work in a hotel, desperately hunting down an apartment. No more hope of equity, no financial security for my future. Thank you, bank, for screwing up my dream.

Don't get my wrong - apartments aren't horrendous. I've lived in a few now, and I really don't have a laundry list of complaints. It could be a lot worse. At least this way I don't have to keep hanging on waiting to hear yes or no. I just hope this bank remembers the way they've treated people like me once they bury themselves deeply in unnecessary debt and crash hopelessly underneath it all, with little hope of resurrection. What goes around comes just takes a while sometimes.

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"Passage—immediate passage! the blood burns in my veins! Away, O soul! hoist instantly the anchor!
Cut the hawsers—haul out—shake out every sail!
Have we not stood here like trees in the ground long enough?
Have we not grovell’d here long enough, eating and drinking like mere brutes?
Have we not darken’d and dazed ourselves with books long enough?

Sail forth! steer for the deep waters only!
Reckless, O soul, exploring, I with thee, and thou with me;
For we are bound where mariner has not yet dared to go, And we will risk the ship, ourselves and all.

O my brave soul!
O farther, farther sail!
O daring joy, but safe! Are they not all the seas of God?
O farther, farther, farther sail!"

~Walt Whitman, "Passage to India"