Monday, June 6, 2011

It All Begins to Sink in

It's official:  I'm finally realizing the full scope of what I'm about to do (not that I didn't before; it's just sinking in more now) and I am nervous!  Not terrified, not having second thoughts, not wanting to back out, but just a little frightened.  I am, after all, moving to CHINA.  For TWO YEARS.  Few sane people could make a move like that without feeling a bit frightened!

There is so much to do, and such a short time to do it all in (isn't there always?).  As with Korea, visa documents are entirely dependent on the speed and whim of the country in question, and there is nothing I can do to move things along in a more timely manner.  It's one of those tough cultural differences:  Asians move at a very different speed than Americans.  Of course, they also kick out butts at education and technology, so I guess there is definitely something to be said for their way of doing things.  It just gets a little unnerving to an American-wired individual.  I like things done NOW!  I like fast, smooth transitions with everything possible done in advance and done in triplicate.  I like lists and order.  I would make an awesome micromanaging dictator.

I realized today that I am down to only six physical days left in Lynchburg (I've got to be in New York from the 8th to the 12th of June for a wedding).  Considering how many things have yet to be done and how many things I'd love to do one last time, I feel like I'm on a circular treadmill, racing against a cheating clock.  The stress gave me a spectacular migraine today, which, sadly, meant that I had to miss what would have been my last Sunday at my beloved church, St. Timothy's.  I also managed to hurt my back when I overestimated my own strength and lost a battle with a solid oak dresser . . . well, I guess since I did manage to move the dresser, you could call it a draw rather than a loss.  The dresser got the last laugh, but I got it moved where I wanted it.

The most difficult thing right now is the anxiety over whether or not I'll be able to take Eowyn with me to China.  I have fallen head over heals for this little dog, and the thought of having to sell her and never getting to see her again absolutely breaks my heart.  Isn't it amazing how God wired dogs to become just like family to us?  They really are man's best friend.

So naughty . . . but oh so cute!


Clara Yi said...

You... are staying in China for only two years? Oh no... you're already one of my favorite teachers! (Sigh) I just don't like you now.

Stephanie said...

Actually, Clara, the teacher contracts are two years at a time, but I went into this planning four years minimum. I've been thinking that it may 6 or 10 years even. Actually, if you can find me a husband, I'll definitely stay longer!

"Passage—immediate passage! the blood burns in my veins! Away, O soul! hoist instantly the anchor!
Cut the hawsers—haul out—shake out every sail!
Have we not stood here like trees in the ground long enough?
Have we not grovell’d here long enough, eating and drinking like mere brutes?
Have we not darken’d and dazed ourselves with books long enough?

Sail forth! steer for the deep waters only!
Reckless, O soul, exploring, I with thee, and thou with me;
For we are bound where mariner has not yet dared to go, And we will risk the ship, ourselves and all.

O my brave soul!
O farther, farther sail!
O daring joy, but safe! Are they not all the seas of God?
O farther, farther, farther sail!"

~Walt Whitman, "Passage to India"