Sunday, March 17, 2013

Game: What Was Stephanie Eating When She Said This?

The following are actual statements said by me while eating, most within the past four months.  I feel that, better than anything else, these comments vividly illustrate just how much I have changed since I was a child (I was an incredibly picky eater until I moved out on my own).  Many of these comments were originally made in Chinese, but since most people who read my blog speak English, I've translated everything into English.  For fun, try guessing what I was eating when each statement was made (I'll post the answers next week).
  1. "So, do I eat the whole foot in one bite, or am I supposed to eat it one toe at a time?"
  2. "I don't swallow the toenails, right?"
  3. "How on earth do I eat this animal??  He looks like he could fight me to the death before I can even get him in my mouth!"
  4. "So you suck the brains out?"
  5. "Hmmm, I think this one was pregnant when she made it into the pot."
  6. "And you said this was what part of the cow?  . . . . . Oh."
  7. "Sorry, his body armor got caught on my lip."
  8. "Maggie, I'm pretty sure Diana was pulling your leg.  I really don't think you're supposed to serve them frozen."
  9. "Wow, judging by the leg, this one was the Marilyn Monroe of the species!"
  10. "It's a very handy animal.  All that labor, and delicious, too!"
  11. "Wait, I'm not sure if I understood you correctly.  Sorry, my Chinese isn't always so good.  Did you say this was fish brains or some kind of vegetable?"
  12. "You know, I really thought this part of the body would taste bumpier, but actually I really like it!"
  13. "It's sort of like poetic justice eating him, considering what his relatives have done to me in the past."
  14. "You're sure you're not pulling my leg?  Civilized people actually eat that and enjoy it?  It's not just a fun trick to play on a foreigner?  You're going to eat it, too?"
  15. "Once you get used to the sliminess, it's really delicious."
  16. "I'm pretty sure that corpses smell better than this.  How did anyone ever get the initial desire to find out if it was edible?"
  17. "Yeah, the tentacles really add something to the texture of the dish."
  18. "Do you realize, I have never once eaten ___ cooked?  I've only ever had it raw!"
  19. "Well now I've got a tail stuck in my tooth . . . "
  20. "So the poison has a lot of health benefits?"
  21. "I just wish he wouldn't look at me with quite so much pleading in his eyes as I'm getting ready to start tearing into him with my chopsticks."
  22. "The fungus just adds so much flavor to the dish."
  23. "This smells like dead feet, but it sure tastes good!"
  24. "Oh, you're right — the texture is a lot like mashed brains!"

No comments:

"Passage—immediate passage! the blood burns in my veins! Away, O soul! hoist instantly the anchor!
Cut the hawsers—haul out—shake out every sail!
Have we not stood here like trees in the ground long enough?
Have we not grovell’d here long enough, eating and drinking like mere brutes?
Have we not darken’d and dazed ourselves with books long enough?

Sail forth! steer for the deep waters only!
Reckless, O soul, exploring, I with thee, and thou with me;
For we are bound where mariner has not yet dared to go, And we will risk the ship, ourselves and all.

O my brave soul!
O farther, farther sail!
O daring joy, but safe! Are they not all the seas of God?
O farther, farther, farther sail!"

~Walt Whitman, "Passage to India"