Friday, March 5, 2010

"Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?" (Yet Again)

You know, I think that may become my theme song for grad school!

Owing to my injuries, heavy work load, unfortunate circumstances, and the Army's knack for not answering phone calls or emails in a timely manner, I have had to give up on ROTC. I was really enjoying it and was getting pretty gung-ho on the idea of the Army life for me, but it's just not going to work out. I'd rather not delve into all of the issues that finally made this clear to me, but, suffice to say, I now have to find another way to pay for grad school. Prayers are welcomed and sought!

I tried to see about getting a GSA position from the history department, but unfortunately, they have all been assigned already. I then tried to get one through another department, with the same results. For the past two days, I have hunted for obscure scholarships, harassed people with power, and even considered trying to find a waitressing job (no, that will not work).

So, here's where I stand now: I have enough money left on my Stafford loan to cover the summer (I'm taking two summer intensives) and next semester's tuition in full. The government gave me back lots of tax money, so my books are covered. I have likely found a roommate (she is super sweet and is a fellow history gal), assuming that everything falls into place for her, so my living expenses will be lower. I have concocted an insane plan that might not work: I am taking the two intensives this summer, and will try to get one class (from my last grad school attempt) to transfer in as an elective. That will pull me one semester ahead in terms of work. If I then absolutely murder myself with work, I can possibly graduate in three semesters rather than four. That leaves only next spring to pay for, if it works, and I can take out a second loan to pay the remaining few thousand dollars. I'll be in debt up to my eyeballs, but at least I'll have my MA. If it doesn't work, I'll figure it out from there.

Gee, I can't wait to get started on my doctorate!

I really need to marry a man with money . . .

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"Passage—immediate passage! the blood burns in my veins! Away, O soul! hoist instantly the anchor!
Cut the hawsers—haul out—shake out every sail!
Have we not stood here like trees in the ground long enough?
Have we not grovell’d here long enough, eating and drinking like mere brutes?
Have we not darken’d and dazed ourselves with books long enough?

Sail forth! steer for the deep waters only!
Reckless, O soul, exploring, I with thee, and thou with me;
For we are bound where mariner has not yet dared to go, And we will risk the ship, ourselves and all.

O my brave soul!
O farther, farther sail!
O daring joy, but safe! Are they not all the seas of God?
O farther, farther, farther sail!"

~Walt Whitman, "Passage to India"