We all know that PHD really stands for "Piled Higher and Deeper". Of course, that also describes grad school pretty accurately. Tonight, I decided to spend my time in the productive manner of coming up with alternative definitions for MA, rather than reading about Fin-de-Siecle Vienna, like I am supposed to be doing. Here are some of my best definitions:
M.A. (or A.M. if you are in a school that pretends to be British) is generally thought to stand for "Master of Arts". Those of us in grad programs, however, know that it really stands for:
"Massive Angst" - The standard mental condition of graduate students.
"Academic Masochism" - (Courtesy of my friend Josh) The action of taking out an enormous loan in order to pay for self-inflicted mental torture . . . known as grad school.
"Myocardial Assault" - This is what Dr. Mann's book selections do to his students.
"Archival Megalomania" - A temporary euphoric delusion of grandeur felt when one realizes that they are reading documents which a minimal percentage of the world is aware of the existence of.
"Monumental Assignments" - These are given out en masse and expected to be completed in an insufficient amount of time.
"Mental Affectation" - A feeling of intellectual superiority felt when discussing one's thesis topic with someone who has no knowledge of the topic.
"Mental Abasement" - The condition of a graduate student discussing their thesis topic with a professor; also the point at which a grad student realizes that they truly know nothing - usually this occurs while giving a presentation.
"Microsoft Anxiety" - A condition affecting those unfortunate students who do not own a Macbook. It is the constant knowledge that their computer has no deeper desire than to consume and destroy the paper that they just spent all night typing.
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