Eight Weeks Left in America!

Scary, isn't it? Only eight weeks until I move to Korea. Only eight weeks left with the people and critters I love. And then? Uncertainty. Adventure. A whole new experience.

Am I ready? I don't know. Is anyone ever really for what comes next in life? Can we ever honestly call ourselves prepared? I guess I am pretty close to being as prepared as I can logically expect to be.

Honestly, I am nervous. I am excited, eager, exhilarated, full of anticipation...and nervous. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is what I want to do. However, taking a plunge in order to make a dream come true is far from easy. In some ways, it's downright scary.

There are loads of things to be nervous about. I'm nervous about the long journey (What if my luggage gets lost? What if there's something wrong with my paperwork? What if I miss a connection and wind up stranded in Tokyo?). I'm nervous about daily life (What if I don't make friends for a long time--or at all? What if I get sick from the food? What if my apartment is rodent-infested?). I'm nervous about teaching (What if the kids hate me? What if I'm lousy at it?). I'm nervous about cultural matters too: I have never believed myself to be racist in any way, but what if being a minority for the first time in my life teaches me that I am? With every new experience, I learn new things about myself. What if I don't like what I learn?

You cannot live life encumbered by "what ifs." They keep crowding into my head, but I remind myself to push past them. I have decided to only let myself worry about things that are real--and "what ifs" are not. They are just paper dragons, getting thrown up in my face to slow me down or stop me. I refuse to let them. I've let myself be grounded by fear for too long. As I heard lately, everyone deserves a chance to fly.

I wish I felt like more people understood why I'm going. Most people that I have told have been excited for me, but there are a few who almost seem offended that I made this decision without consulting them. I am sorry if I have hurt anyone by making my own decisions, but after all, that's how my mother raised me to be--independent and capable of knowing my own mind (thanks Mom). It hurts that not everyone supports my decision, but at least my parents, pastor, and best friend do. I know what a big move this is, and I am going into it with my eyes wide open. This is what I want. I am not settling for second best, moving away because I'm giving up, or running from something or someone. I am moving forward, following where I believe God wants me to go.

So, in eight weeks, the journey of a lifetime begins. With a single leap.